High tea leads to mayhem in parliament

The MSM had been buzzing about their latest pompous American acronym, SONA, for weeks, but it seems that parliamentarians under the influence of High Tea, celebrated a rather classless opening of the once august institution.

Proceedings got off to a rocky start with MPs demanding to know why the cellphone signals were jammed in the National Assembly.

Last night eventually saw one parliamentarian with nearly all his clothes removed by a bouncer. A female EFF MP Reneilwe Mashabela’s jaw was broken in the fracas to impress democratic voters and she had to be admitted to a (private) hospital.

The Economic Freedom Fighters had warned that they would disrupt the proceedings with interjections about security upgrades to Zuma’s Nkandla homestead in KwaZulu-Natal, and they did not disappoint. The president hadn’t been on the podium for long when an EFF MP Godrich Gardee interrupted and chaos ensued.

Big Business had aquiesced to president Zuma’s request earlier to cut power usage to keep televisions on in every home, enabling all to stay abreast of the current political entertainment from Cape Town, home of parliament and drug capital of South Africa.

“The events that unfolded before our eyes were aimed at bringing our democracy into serious disrepute,” Minister in the ANC Presidency Jeff Radebe admitted to reporters.

Neither the Speaker Baleka Mbete nor ignominious pig farmer Thandi Modise would allow any questions. A group of armed police and private security guards were called in to spoil for a fight.

In a show of solidarity with the EFF, DA MPs, all clad in black, then resorted to more melodrama and left the chamber too. They theatrically claimed to be too hurt to listen to the state of the nation following the forceful removal of EFF MPs by either armed security personnel or police.

The EFF promised that they would bring weapons to parliament next time, timeslive reported. “We were obviously pushed around. Next time we will be armed,” EFF-deputy Floyd Shivambu said.

During his speech, Zuma announced that the government would train “fifteen thousand plumbers to fix leaking taps in townships” but nary a peep about illegal electricity connections, causing billions to leak from the state budget.

It seems that Shell’s shale gas project in the Karoo will go ahead, despite fierce opposition from almost everyone not on their kickback list.

FW de Klerk, who together with Nelson Mandela, made this all possible by handing over power to the ANC, also attended the special session, and to everyone’s great surprise, remarked: “South Africa is heading for constitutional crisis mode. I have never seen such a thing.”

Most adherents of political parties that had warned De Klerk of the impending doom, still languish in prison today as forgotten political prisoners, having never received amnesty from the equally farcical Thruth and Reconciliation Commission.