I’ve been feeling down, worried and most of all uninspired. The reason behind this psychological semi-breakdown I am having is the environment I work in and the state of our country. You get up for work every day; it pays your bills, keeps a roof over your head and food in your belly. It is something we all have to do: work, work, work, until you drop dead – is what my father always says. So I work and now I want to drop dead. What is the use of being at a job that firstly, you find no challenge in, secondly, gives you no growth, thirdly, is in an economy where jobs are really scarce and fourthly, (and my more important point), drains your soul, your sense of being? A job that breaks your spirit and tries to kill the person you are? I have been asking myself that for many months now.
You cannot explain the feeling to anyone who has not been in the same situation. You have been trying to keep your head high, trying to stay positive, trying to keep your sense of being a person, but the people at your workplace have a nasty habit of breaking your last thread of strength. When that last piece is barely hanging from your heart, you lose your sense of being, you lose your motivation, you lose your drive, you lose you. The things that used to hold joy in your life, becomes stale in your mouth and you sink deeper into the pit of darkness. You notice the world outside of your office and realize that you have been sinking into a hole of oppression, or “reverse apartheid”, of rape, of murder, of genocide. You find yourself living in a country that wants to eradicate your language, your history, your culture. You work with people who support those views, but there are also the few who don’t. You find yourself in a situation where you have trouble separating the country and the workplace and the pit becomes ever deeper. How do you ever deal with such feelings? How do you stand up for what you believe in without compromising your position?
Surviving in a multicultural country, constantly adapting to others and their way of doing things, their views, can make one feel depressed. Soon we will all be on anti-depressants just to cope with a day at the office.
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My solution: I decided to see a professional to help me with this particular situation and feelings I have. I started this blog/journal/diary – call it what you will. Maybe a daily or weekly dose of scribbles will get my frustrations out and I will be able to breathe the fresh air and freedom I so long for.
You probably don’t want to hear about my troubles, but maybe, just maybe you can give advice, or tell me to take a hike. Or maybe you can see yourself in my thoughts and find comfort in the journey we face together.